I Spent Mother’s Day Weekend Recommitting Myself to Being a Better Wife

There is a strange silence that happens in modern culture whenever a woman openly says she wants to be a great wife. Not a successful woman. Not an independent woman. Not a boss. Not a woman who “has it all together", because all those attributes are celebrated ad nauseam. But specifically, intentionally, a great wife.

Somewhere along the way, many women were taught that striving to be exceptional in marriage somehow diminished our strength. That accountability in love was weakness. That softness meant surrender. That prioritizing peace in our homes somehow erased our voices. This Mother’s Day weekend reminded me how untrue that is.

I was honored to receive an invitation from Dhany Walker, co founder of Lovepreneur, for an intimate gathering created for wives, aspiring wives, and professional women navigating the realities of love, purpose, marriage, and identity. Alongside her husband, Demetrius Walker, she has built a platform centered around strengthening relationships and families, but this particular gathering felt deeply personal. It was part birthday celebration, part ministry, part accountability session, and honestly, part wake up call.

As someone who has openly discussed the challenges ambitious women face in relationships, even writing my book Dear Alpha Female, It’s Not Him, It’s You, I understood the tension immediately. Career driven women are often celebrated for conquering boardrooms, building brands, and finding their voices, but very few conversations teach women how to remain connected, nurturing, self aware, and emotionally safe within marriage.

After my own personal experiences, after my own moments of accountability and self reflection, I eventually met an amazing man and remarried. I knew I did not want to repeat unhealthy patterns. But sitting in that room this weekend reminded me that healthy marriages do not sustain themselves accidentally. Just like we invest in professional development, therapy, fitness, or spiritual growth, marriage also requires intentional sharpening.
You cannot expect something sacred to survive without maintenance.

What I appreciated most about Dhany was her unapologetic honesty. There was no performative “man bashing.” No competition between husband and wife. No glorification of independence at the expense of partnership. Instead, she boldly challenged women to embrace the role of wife with pride. Not submission rooted in weakness, but partnership rooted in wisdom.

She spoke candidly about the importance of what she called the “three T’s,” tone, timing, and tongue. And while some women may hear those conversations and immediately become defensive, I found them refreshing. Because the truth is, we've heard men from all ages, backgrounds and cultures express how much RESPECT matters to them.

How we speak matters. The time in which we choose to speak matters, and God help us slick mouthed women, our tone definitely matters.

A husband cannot feel emotionally safe in an environment where every conversation feels like criticism, confrontation, or correction. Dhany encouraged women to be mindful about how they communicate, how they approach conflict, and how they use their words. She reminded women that our words should build our husbands up, not constantly tear them down. And yes, she humorously added that if your tongue ever brings him to his knees, let it only happen in the bedroom.

The room erupted in laughter, but the deeper message landed. Marriage cannot thrive where dishonor lives.

In today’s culture, women, especially women of color are constantly encouraged to protect themselves, prioritize themselves, and advocate for themselves. There is absolutely value in that. Women fought hard to have voices that were once silenced.

But somewhere in that evolution, many women stopped seeing themselves as part of a unit. Marriage became less about building together and more about protecting individual autonomy at all costs. We have normalized preparing women for weddings, but not preparing them for partnership.

A wedding celebrates a moment. A marriage requires a lifestyle. I realized that all over again this weekend. I saw how important it is to surround myself with women who are committed not just to getting married, but to being great wives. Women who understand that loving your husband well does not make you weak. Women who understand that nurturing your family is not oppression. Women who are secure enough to choose peace over performance.

Growing requires humility, and one of the biggest lessons I walked away with actually started during a panel discussion Dhany and I participated in a couple of months ago. Someone in the audience asked what a woman should do if a female friend came around her husband behaving inappropriately or dressing in a way that felt disrespectful to the marriage. Without hesitation, I answered from the place I had been raised. Growing up in a single parent household, after watching my mother navigate relationships largely on her own, I was taught something many women have probably heard before: “If she can get him, she can have him.” At the time, that mindset sounded powerful to me. It sounded unbothered. Strong. Like refusing to let a man’s choices diminish my value as a woman. And honestly, for years, I carried myself that way. But life, marriage, and heartbreak have a way of maturing your perspective. After experiencing divorce and understanding the very real pain attached to losing a marriage you were truly committed to, I realized there is nothing empowering about emotional detachment disguised as strength. What struck me during that panel was Dhany’s response. She calmly said the friend would have to go, and then she would address things with her husband because the marriage itself was the priority worth protecting. At the time, my answer may have gotten the louder reaction from the audience, a few laughs, a few snaps, a few people applauding the independence in it, but wisdom sounds different than pride. Looking back now, I do not think my response came from strength nearly as much as immaturity.

I was protecting my individuality instead of protecting the gift of my marriage. Dhany and Demetrius never attacked my perspective, but simply through their example, their unity, and their intentionality, they showed me a healthier way to look at love and partnership. And sitting in that room this weekend, not as a speaker but as a student, I was able to openly admit to myself that my perspective had changed. Marriage is not two people operating separately waiting to see who disappoints the other first. It is a partnership that should be protected together against anything that threatens it. Any friendship willing to jeopardize that partnership should be the first thing removed, not the marriage itself treated as disposable. That realization alone made this weekend transformative for me. It reminded me that growth as a woman is not just about evolving professionally, it is about evolving emotionally, spiritually, relationally, and understanding the totality of womanhood. Because true strength is not found in independence alone. It is found in how we nurture the people, the love, and the legacy attached to our lives.

In my opinion, a great wife is not a perfect woman. She is a woman committed to helping her husband become a better man while also allowing herself to continue evolving into a better woman. That takes maturity, discipline and the lost art of humility. I got a personal reality check on that this weekend.

Ironically, I spent the other half of Mother’s Day weekend being loved and celebrated beautifully by my own husband, who made tremendous sacrifices to show his appreciation for me. And sitting in both experiences, being poured into as a wife while simultaneously being celebrated by my husband, created a powerful realization for me.

There is absolutely nothing shameful about wanting to excel in marriage. Nothing weak about wanting to be a good mother. Nothing embarrassing about intentionally strengthening your family. In fact, it may be one of the strongest things a woman can do.

One of the most emotional moments of the weekend came when Dhany invited her mother onto the stage. Because while Mother’s Day often becomes a celebration of women, it can also become a season where many women publicly relive and rehearse the failures of men, especially fathers. But her mother shared something profoundly important.

Despite challenges in her own relationship with Dhany's father; despite his shortcomings, she never poisoned her daughter against her father.

As a woman with Dominican roots and traditional values, she understood something many people have forgotten, children are not emotionally equipped to carry adult burdens.

That statement stood out to me as we move past Mother's Day on to the next parental holiday. On Father’s Day social media will inevitably become flooded with public grievances about absent fathers, failed relationships, and broken homes.

And while pain is real, we must also acknowledge the emotional damage caused when children are forced to internalize one parent’s bitterness toward the other. Because when you repeatedly tell a child their father is worthless, disappointing, or a failure, what you are also telling that child is that half of who they are came from someone unworthy. No child escapes that psychologically untouched.

This weekend was a reminder that accountability in motherhood also includes emotional maturity. Protecting our children sometimes means protecting them from our unresolved anger.

Overall, this weekend felt less like an event and more like an intervention for the heart. A reminder that love still deserves intentionality.That marriage still deserves effort. That female accountability is not weakness.

And most importantly, a reminder that women like Dhany Walker deserve to be celebrated for choosing to pour into other women instead of simply celebrating themselves. What better way to spend a birthday than planting seeds into marriages, families, and futures?

If more women chose to strengthen women instead of simply validating dysfunction, I truly believe we would see stronger homes, healthier children, more emotionally secure men, and more fulfilled women.

And after this Mother’s Day weekend, I can honestly say that I left recommitted, not just to love, but to loving well.