Hayden Panettiere: Grappling With Celebrity Deaths When You Feel the Weight of Their Struggles

When the news that Hayden Panettiere passed away was announced, my stomach sank. It’s been in knots on and off since. A lot of people don’t understand how traumatizing being an entertainment reporter can be. Yes, there are many glamorous parts of the job, mainly likened to travel and red carpets if you’re lucky. But the majority of the work is a non-stop grind with little financial ROI and a repetitive news cycle of steep highs and lows. I’ve reported extensively on the intersectionality of entertainment and crime (think Sean “Diddy” Combs’ sex crimes trial). I’ve also had the unfortunate task of being on the breaking news and spinoff desk as it relates to celebrity deaths.

It’s a never-ending cycle of reviewing old footage of said celebrity, analyzing every recent interview to see if there were any premonitions, and trying to find out what led to their “demise.” Hayden’s death is probably the first to hit me emotionally since Whitney Houston. She’s a mere year and a half older than me; she’s a mother; I’ve grown with her through the screen via her work, and I was empathetic to the bravery it took for her to share her private struggles publicly. 

As of now, reports suggest her death at the age of 36 was due to an overdose, which adds another layer of sadness to her death, as it could have been prevented. Her death is another telltale sign of a Hollywood starlet not getting to complete her story. It also leaves me, and fans and admirers alike, with so many unanswered questions.

Hayden is a great example of childhood dreams being fulfilled. A daughter of a former soap star, she began acting when she was 8-months-old. In hindsight, as she revealed in her memoir and several interviews on the book’s press trip this Spring, one has to wonder whether it was a good choice. Growing up in the public eye proved to be difficult for Hayden to balance. Despite her love of the craft, she admitted she missed a healthy balance, or any semblance of a childhood at all. On top of Hollywood pressures to be the quintessential actress, there were familial expectations for her to keep the machine going because she was the breadwinner.

Her talent became her biggest irony, her blessing and her curse. As her star rose, her personal struggles intensified. Growing into her tweens and then teenage years, she didn’t fit in at school, or with her non-Hollywood peers. Surrounded by mostly adults in the industry, many spoke of Hayden being an “old soul,” or fiercely mature with a high emotional intelligence at her age. Regardless of it she wanted to slow down with work, she couldn’t. She was often No. 1 on the call sheet, and her mother, being her manager, the lines between home and business were always blurred. She sank slowly, and many didn’t listen to her cries for help.  

Many first-gen success stories have parallels with Hayden, no matter what industry you’re in. You may love the work and some of the fruits that come with it, but with no break, and internal and external pressures, burnout is inevitable. Add in being the source of income for your circle, and the weight is heavier. 

She felt that becoming a mother would give her the stability and groundedness she so desperately desired. As many first-time mothers in those early years come to realize, that idea is often furthest from the truth. In addition to working through her pregnancy, her labor and delivery was difficult and traumatic, and she nearly didn’t make it through. Prescribed pain medication to deal with the recovery, it spiraled into what she later learned was addiction, coupled with trying to adjust to being a working mother. Initially, she dealt with it alone, repeating the mantra “This too shall pass.” 

But her nearly decade-long romantic relationship with her daughter’s father was disintegrating, her hit television show was coming to an end, and she was forced to face what she’d tried to suppress. It all became too much. She entered into treatment, where she stayed for eight months. Simultaneously, she made the gut-wrenching decision to relinquish custody to her child’s father, who then moved with their daughter to Ukraine. Hayden would later admit it was the best decision for her daughter. Still, insiders say, as expected, she never fully forgave herself for not being the mother she imagined, regardless of what was in her daughter's best interest. And she carried that pain.

Trying not to get stuck, Hayden tried hard to live a “normal life.” She started dating again, and unfortunately, like to many of us, love wasn’t good to her. The sad part is she was seemingly at the start of a redemption arc that was never fully realized. 

She was vulnerable about her struggles in an industry and society that doesn’t reward such vulnerability, especially with women. When women in Hollywood speak out about pain and injustice, they are viewed as victimizing themselves. When men do it, they are considered conquerors. Her choice to go back to a toxic ex was met with harsh criticism. She never seemed to be able to get above water, and so many women can relate to that: coming to terms with the life you once dreamed dying, and recreating a new reality while always being reminded of the mistakes made.

When a woman has a child, everything changes. It’s hard enough for single mothers raising their child without a co-parent. Imagine being the one viewed as the nurturer who couldn’t manage what is supposed to be natural to you.

As a single mother, I have often felt guilty for choosing my daughter’s father, though I know the burden of his minimal participation is of no fault of my own. But, as women, we are taught to “know better.” 

It doesn’t matter how much she loved her daughter or whether she felt her decision to give up custody to her daughter’s father was the right thing; living with that decision wasn’t easy for her. Hayden probably felt that, in many ways, she repeated a similar cycle as her own mother by being unable to be present.

Whatever caused Hayden’s reported spiral, we will never know. What we do know is she wasn’t given a fair chance at having her story come full circle.